Just for You

So many unsaid words! Without warning, like a blue bird on a cool spring day, you spread your wings and flew away. So much anger I used to hold inside. But now, if only I could have you to confide. To catch my tears before they fall. To tell me not to worry baby, always stand tall. Gentle kisses I imagine you gave me. Wishing on a shinning star to have the moments of when I was just a baby. Can you hear me at night when I cry out for you, when I’m so lost and so confused? When anger pains me because nothing even matters …not eating too much with the potential of getting fatter. Not the rain drenching down on my nicely pressed out hair, or the weird looks that all are giving me when I yell out “Fuck this world, I don’t even care.” Closing my eyes tight trying to recall your touch, mom I just want you to know that I love you so much. So many days I took for granted, if only I could turn back the hands of time. I would cherish every moment, make you smile more, take more pictures of you, do all those things that mothers and daughters are supposed to do. So much I missed out on…the talk about being a woman, the salon bonds and Saturday afternoon brunches, instead these times are merely figments of my imagination that will never come true…so it doesn’t matter if your grandson breaks into my concentration. When he’s old enough I will tell him that you chose his birthday to part ways with us, but not out of anger but to bring us all closer cause the truth be told up until six months before your passing we were merely strangers. Everyday I think about you, scared that if I don’t that I will soon forget the memories of all the little things that we did get to do. Like, last mothers day, or when I told that I was gonna be a mom. These things I hold on to tight and thank God for having them each and every night.

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